Read a post the other day that really resonated with me for a lot of reasons. This most of all:
"The overwhelming contents of my studio made me feel clogged.. Projects that were put on hold? Ditto. I felt like I lost my voice..and my freedom. It's coming back."
I've lost my squee. I feel frustrated and blocked in some ways - but also feel like a magical conduit when something I'm working on suddenly becomes an Ophelia portal.
I had planned this year to be mindfully selling stuff - and whilst I'm still working hard and putting myself about - I'm all kinds of doubtful. This is so not me lol.
forsythia diadem, acrylic and pastel, 400 x 500mm
It could be worse - I've had spells of thinking I just need to follow the popular people/direction, and this way or that, trying to make my work fit in. Not good - like a lovely shoe two sizes too small. Then, the self-doubt (annoying and midge-like); the maybe-just-a-hobby-yes? thoughts - this too is so not me lol.
I think a clear-out of mind and space is in order.
I'm hoping to have a diddy studio within Cross Street Arts by the end of the month - so let's see if that makes a difference to this ennui.
In the meantime I'll be pulling out the bin bags, gesso-ing over some canvasses, sorting out frame stock and mounts and catching some early summerness. Time to regroup. Time to dodge the gatekeepers, stop doubting and make things happen by bringing the work anyway.
I just want my squee back.